Alison Klabacher

SO, nice guy Dan has got a skeleton in his closet after all (Home and Away).

The sly little weasel, who doesn't look like he could say 'boo' to a goose, has a penchant for gambling and is playing dangerous games with the big boys.

He's obviously got more in common with Amanda than I first thought.

His ex-wife, whose scratching-nails-across-blackboard voice gets more grating by the day, managed to find a handy £1,500 to lend Dan after the foolish imp used Leah's IVF cash to make a payment to his debtors.

Only last week, Scott warned his granddad that Amanda was skint. If that's skint, I'm obviously living in poverty. With parents like Amanda and Dan, I expect small child Ryan was relieved to be kidnapped.

Nigel's daughter Clare (EastEnders) has made a comeback to soap world. She's grown up and got herself a job managing a bar in Hollyoaks. I've had my suspicions about this sneaky wench since she arrived, especially when she transfigured into another woman. This week, she cheated on Max with love rat Sean, and who better to walk in on them than alcoholic Mel, who has spent a good few weeks being patronised by the cheating blonde. (No wonder Mel can't stay off the booze with Clare on her back).

Unfortunately, an alcoholic is hardly the most reliable witness. Will anybody believe Mel as she tries to expose Max's girlfriend for what she really is?

This week's hideous friend award goes to Joe, who is making a career out of bleeding Jez dry. There had better be some police action when the truth comes out! In the same way that Dawn was banged up in Emmerdale last week, it is satisfying to see soap characters get their comeuppance.

Over in Casualty, Maggie's children have got the chance to spend a year with their killer dad, who is going to teach English at a school in Malaysia. (Confused? I was). Maggie told them that she thought they should go, which surprised me, considering that a year ago she preferred them to believe he was dead.

I didn't think much of the patients' dramas this week. There was the girl allergic to condoms (Kelsey's advice: 'You could also go on the pill instead' proving once more why she ought to be sacked) and a fire at a factory that sparked a bride-to-be to stop her wedding and reveal her true love.

We also had to stomach wimpy Alice trying to muster the confidence to tell Tess that she wanted to keep her job.

In true soap style, she's spent the past three weeks being completely useless, then she has one good shift and she's receptionist of the year. Among all this below-par A&E action was the moving storyline of Ellen's battle with cancer. Who would have thought that the annoying European wench would actually manage to stir a tear from the eyes of Casualty fans?

Finally, I noticed that there was no sign of Selena or stalker Nathan this week, and yet nobody suspected he had kidnapped her and locked her in a filing cabinet. Please, let's have more of panto villain Nathan!